day 5...who is talking now?

 The problem of turning off one sound source is another tends to get heard in the space.
 As I turn off "the Internet",  I am becoming aware of internal voices which are speaking instead. As I said on day one silence can be deafening! As a follower Jesus I wish I could say in some deep spiritual way that I'm deeply hearing the voice of God as I am carving out some space, but at the moment that is not my experience. What I'm hearing instead it is a yearning for news, for gossip, for distraction.  Today I tried to sit down and do some preparation for church on Friday, as I did this I hit a brick wall,  a blockage in creativity and flow.  I am sure many people who prep activities for church experience a similar thing. My normal method of distraction myself from these moments is to surf the net. But today's was not open to me, I had to sit and work out how I felt about hitting the wall. I hate hitting that wall of creativity, it makes me doubt myself, doubt my calling, doubt whether I can do this on. Today I was painfully aware these feelings because I wasn't looking up some pointless debate on a minister's Facebook forum. I'm pleased to say I did finish the prep, and in some ways I am pleased with what was done, but in getting to the point of finishing it at a handover feelings of self-doubt and low self-esteem.