Day 1

The problem or rather my problem with the Internet and eating is that they are just there. My brain is tired, I'm guessing leftovers from being ill, the comfort of food and clicking is just too easy. I've not had a perfect day, I'm trying to have compassion on myself while at the same time encouraging myself to move to a new place. Praying for grave and strength all the time. 

40 days again

Hang on haven't we been here!! Well yes, but for the last 2 weeks I've had tonsillitis and it was not pretty... So tomorrow is day one! Again. 

40 days again

Hi there,

this year was my 40days year... taking on different 40 day challenges...no internet and no sugar and then an attempt to challenge myself to meditation morning and night for 40days...well I didn't do so well at the the last one..for a number of different reason...but today...17th May I want to combine those three again...so here goes.....

MIND THE GAP! Church1v23 Writes to local councillors and MP about 7 year gap.

At our Friday gathering, held at Broadford Primary School, we wrote our local councillors and MP. We wrote to ask that they continue to work at reducing the life expectancy gap between Harold Hill and Upminster. The gap at the moment is about 7 years. This means that someone living in Upminster can expect to live seven years longer than someone from Harold Hill. There are a number of complex issues which create this gap, we at Church1v23 believe this gap is an injustice and not necessary in modern Britain.  We have made it our aim at church1v23 to play our part in reducing this gap. If you’d like to know how you can play your part come and chat to Rev Rich on a Friday after school in the hall. 

the next 40 day steps

I completed my sugar free 40days.

Starting from this past Monday I have felt it a good idea to try and combine the last to with a new one!

This is what I will be doing for the next 40.

Sugar and sweater free 95% of the time

Internet  free

• except personal banking and church Facebook
• Except tendershoots FB and related usage 

NEW:  thought, last thought God. 

• moring Bible verse 
• Evening poem  by Wendell Berry  ( see link for the book I am using) 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/New-Collected-Poems-Wendell-Berry/dp/1619021528/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1459024538&sr=8-1&keywords=Wendell%20Berry

To be honest I need to confess I've not done well on the internet. SO starting right now. I am back on it. I always find the days after an extreme busy time difficult and this was the case this week. opps. 

Blessing

rich 

I still miss it

5 weeks on and I still really miss sugar! 

Sugar free lent

Oops it's been a while, he sugar thing is going well, I am loosing weight, but I'm not sure I am learning new habits! I think I need to be thinking hard about why I eat. I still deeply crave something when I am eating, I think it is something deeply emotional, which by eating and eating I am not giving myself the Chance to feel and so process! 

Lord help me have the not eat and so explore what is going on. 

less than 7!

Here is what I shared on Friday night.......

I have a question?

(what is your question?) 

Whats the gap between Harold Hill and Upminster?

It is 6 miles or is it 7 years?

I have a question?

(what is your question?)

Why is it that a child born in Upminster will live around 7 years longer than one born in Harold Hill? 

Both live in the United Kingdom, both live in England, both live in Essex, both live in Havering and yet there is a big difference of live expectancy there is a 7 year gap. This gap is an injustice 

I have a question?

(what is your question?)

What would you do with 7 years of life? 

So why is there is gap of 7 years? Well it is many over lapping issues. Lack of education and access to health care, lack of emotional support and lack of healthy eating…Obesity is a major issue with poor people in havering. Harold hill has an alcohol and self harm issue and there are other factors. It is not the easiest to work out, but Havering's health profile consistently has this large gap between the richest and poorest in our borough. 

As a church, we have chosen as our aim to see people be “flourishing people”. 

(We called this “wholeness in being” to start with.)  

 The idea of God’s creation flourishing is throughout the bible, Jesus himself in John 10v10 “I have come that you might life, life in the full.” This is not an easy life or a comfortable life, but a flourishing life. A life which sees flourishing in all the areas of what it is to be human, flourishing bodies, flourishing metal health and use of our emotions, flourishing spiritual journey with Jesus and flourishing use of our brains to work and to serve… and yet people all over the world are denied the opportunity to be flourishing people because of injustice and if there is one thing God really hates, it is injustice. The bible says “Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.” God hates the injustice that poor people are having to flee the country of their births because of war, God hates that in the world we grow enough food yet still millions are starving.  God hates the injustice that people without a home have had their tents torn down in calais and God hates the injustice at the gap in life expectancy between Harold Hill and Upminster. All of these are unjust and injustice stops people from flourishing. 

I have a question?

(what is your question?)

What are we going to do about this? 

We at Eat123 have enjoyed becoming church1v23 and I know that most of use feel and believe that being apart of this group has help you flourish as people and families. Can we pass this blessing on and say “less than 7” together, because a 7 year gap is just too much, are we going to mind this Gap and do something together about it? 

If we are going to see people flourish on Harold Hill, you and I need to get passionate about seeing that number come down. We need to want to see the gap get smaller, to see it become less than 7! We need to work together and work with Jesus to do our bit. Together can we say “less than 7” and so aim to see people live with healthier bodies, can we say “less than 7” and work to help those with mental health concerns, can we say “less then 7” and find ways to support people who have an alcohol problems? Can we say “less than 7” and so be passionate about education!  Can we say “less than 7” and grow our own veggies!  

I know this is a big task. I know for me and for you there may be areas we need to work on seeing our selfs flourish! In someways it is hard to know where to start. We can’t do it all on our own, we will need help from schools, health services and others. We will need to take steps of faith and get help from Jesus… but can we say together…”less than 7”, because 7 is too much and we at Church 1v23 want to see all people in God’s creation flourish, including those in our local community. 

I have a question?

(what is your question?)

Will you say “less than seven” and together start to work out what this means? 

(Silence) 

Sources: 

http://www.apho.org.uk/resource/item.aspx?RID=171835

http://www.romfordrecorder.co.uk/news/health/17_year_gulf_in_healthy_life_expectancy_for_children_in_havering_1_4327724

What am I doing this for!

This is proper hard! I really did not think that sugar, or rather the lack of would feel like this. I get a craving and so eat, but what I eat doesn't have sugar in it. ( I eat some fruit, but that's not the same as honey and digestive biscuits!! ) so eating doesn't fix the feeling. I have a sense of difference,  a not feeling right which I can't quite describe, a sort of hang over. Withdrawal is what the drug addict might call it. Woe, that sounds heavy! On the up side I've lost a load of weight. 

Internet wise, I have felt really convicted by God to carry continue with this. I then did use the internet over the last two days, and have felt deeply convicted that this was a mistake so other than work I am going to try and continue with this. I did realize that my life was in no way improved as a result of using the net for 2 days. 

Day 2

Everything has sugar in!!! Meat, mayonnaise and chocolate!!! And if it doesn't have sugar it has sweetener!!!! This is not going to be as easy as thought. I miss favoured drinks and I miss my sugar rush. Not much but the lack of these something I am increasing in awareness of. It is like the nagging thought you've forgotten something important. I've forgotten sugar!! And my Brain is started to drop regular reminders that I'm missing something important for the next hours. 

Day 31

 I must admit there are still days when I feel incredibly hungry for distraction. But I do feel a lot better for having over 30 days without that click on a page then click on another page then click on another page. I have had to spend some time on the Internet but this has been focused for work purposes and no personal browsing. I have not been able to look at anything on Facebook, and do not believe my life is in any way the poorer. I'm certainly, in the morning, more present for my children for my wife for my God because I'm not thinking  I wonder what's happened in the sport world all the world of news or in the infallible world of Facebook.

Doing this has led me to think what  other 40 day fast can I do which would be really good for my soul.

I'm thinking about those type of activities whose absence would draw me into a kind of wilderness experience to help me reflect on the type of person I want to be and the type of person I am. This is certainly not about any form of self punishment but is more about helping me strip away my comforts. I could give up  wearing a watch for 40 days because I love to be in control time.   I could give up drinking anything other than water for 40 days because often when I am bored I crave flavoured drinks.

 I suspect what I will do for Lent is give up all processed sugar.  Not that that is going to be easy!

what have I been reading?

One of the things I have been trying to do while not using the internet is to do more reading.

One of the books I've read is called forgiven by Terri Roberts.

details of book here.

It is written by the mother of a man who committed a terrible act. The book plots her emotional and relationship challenges in the fall out of the event. I have never wept while reading a book like I did with this one. The embodied message of forgiveness is deeply humbling. I remember mentioning the forgiveness of this story in a sermon many years ago, but this book gave deeper insight into the journeys of those involved. Forgiveness is not easy, but this book highlights the fruit and healing which comes from making the hard and difficult choice to forgive.

The pub is shut!

 For the last 6 1/2 years the Pompadour's pub has been my watering hole. But it has been more than that, it has been the location of many of church 1v23's activities and friendship building.

 I very much felt called to make the pompadour's a pub which I would be a regular. During the first six weeks of drinking there, nobody spoke to me!  But I soon came to learn that this notorious pub had a very soft and caring underside. We have hosted carol services Easter Day events, parent toddler groups, ladies pamper nights over the years. For me personally the Pompadours represented a space for people to come and be. I'll be honest sometimes my Sunday evenings down there were not easy, there seems to be this unwritten rule about drinking in pubs, which I was told often. The rule being you don't talk about religion or politics in a pub. Somehow I always managed to turn the conversation around to both! I was often on my own in my opinions. Sometimes it's debates or hard work and tiring especially if those I was speaking to half cut at the time. I'm not sure of the spiritual impact of my being in the pub for the last six in the half years as had on the locals. I know the effect it's had on me, it has kept my feet on the ground and is deeply humbled me in many ways because often I've not had the answer to many of the people's honest questions.
It is reminded me how far the gap between the white working class man and your average church  is. A gap which I am still unsure how to cross.

As a pub shuts it means that we will no longer have a venue to host several of our annual events.  The church will now need to reimagine and be creative about how we celebrate Christmas and Easter together particularly.

..................... and I will need to consider if I find a new watering hole all use this time differently  for God.

Day 14.... a day at the beach!

On Tuesday this week I took a retreat day, I am now trying to make these part of my regular habit recognising that the time and separation and in solitude is a great refill to my soul.

This time I went down to the Sussex coast to near where my grandparents used to live, I walked along the beach for several hours praying and meditating as I went. Battling walking into the wind,  trying to keep the blazing sun out of my eyes,  enjoying the dog as he enjoyed the beach, enjoying the silence as the wind howled rather loudly.

I thoroughly enjoyed this day. 

My time without the Internet is I think strengthening my mind's ability to focus on what it is I want to focus on. I have a rather easily distracted mind. The Internet is one of the great ways my mind loves to be distracted. Walking along the beach is dead easy to be distracted by the many tasks waiting for me when I get back home and also when you stop suddenly remember those things of importance which you need to do. I'm grateful for learning the discipline of bringing my mind back to focus on what it is I want to focus on.

The beach, scarred and formed by wind and rain and waves, 

near out of this bruising and battering comes ever changing beauty.

 The wind rain and waves, craft and create together ever-changing beauty.

 Can I see this that God uses the wind rain and waves of life, 

not to scar me, 

but to craft and create me?

 In his hands I am ever chan thisging beauty.

Day 11- how much news do we need?

One of the ways in which I am feeling the effect of giving up the net is an awakening to just how detailed and repetitive our news streams are, I was panicking that I would not know what is going on in the world, without Facebook or other news websites would I like I was not in touch! 

Text on the tv has provided me with all the news I need, it is just that it is not that hooking! By that I mean it is the news and sport barebones! No links to follow, no short video sound bits and no "I wonder who has liked this". I think I have said it before, but I say it again- face book and news websites are not good or bad- they are just things, but for me it seems like I get hooked into being distracted from what important to me!  

Day 7 I miss it

I miss it, I really miss it! (nearly one week gone). They say that the hit we get when see something interesting on the net or get a response to a Facebook comment is really very addictive for the brain. Last year I stopped getting emails to my phone and I took Facebook off my phone. It took me ages to get used to not having anything to look at. A monk advised last year me to stop walking listening to music and stories when i walk the dog... this I found uncomfortable, but both have led to to be more aware of ME. Doing this internet thing I think is the same. I am becoming more aware of my needs, both the helpful and unhelpful ones. I am seeing where I distract myself or where I try to hid from myself.
All this talk of "me", could be considered self centred and over indulgent- But I want to unpack and find the Me who God made and Loves and the Me who God is slowly craving into his Son. The internet is  not a bad thing, Facebook is not a bad thing...it's just a thing. but i think my broken humanity uses it to cover up, distract and confuses. For some it will be something else. but for me at my desk it is the internet.


Small print: I have had to use the internet for work a couple of times, as the information i needed could only be found online!

day 5...who is talking now?

 The problem of turning off one sound source is another tends to get heard in the space.
 As I turn off "the Internet",  I am becoming aware of internal voices which are speaking instead. As I said on day one silence can be deafening! As a follower Jesus I wish I could say in some deep spiritual way that I'm deeply hearing the voice of God as I am carving out some space, but at the moment that is not my experience. What I'm hearing instead it is a yearning for news, for gossip, for distraction.  Today I tried to sit down and do some preparation for church on Friday, as I did this I hit a brick wall,  a blockage in creativity and flow.  I am sure many people who prep activities for church experience a similar thing. My normal method of distraction myself from these moments is to surf the net. But today's was not open to me, I had to sit and work out how I felt about hitting the wall. I hate hitting that wall of creativity, it makes me doubt myself, doubt my calling, doubt whether I can do this on. Today I was painfully aware these feelings because I wasn't looking up some pointless debate on a minister's Facebook forum. I'm pleased to say I did finish the prep, and in some ways I am pleased with what was done, but in getting to the point of finishing it at a handover feelings of self-doubt and low self-esteem.

Day 4- getting twitchy

Back to work today and using the computer, I'm finding it hard to be working and then not just click on the internet to see what is happening in the world. The sense of once I've done some work I'm allowed a treat a quick look into the world of what happening, Facebook and the news, but at the end of the day I am not finding my life any emptier!

I am trying to use the time I'm not on the internet to..blog, be present to the Kids and Mrs S, I am trying to be productive and I am trying to read more. ( You know those paper things...books I believe they call them)

Day 2

What's the cricket score? Day one was easy, loads of family activities. Today was the 1st day of the second test... Boy were my fingers twitching. My life is not effected in the slightest by the outcome, but I wanted too know! I'm used to hitting refresh on the bbc sport website!! Why is it I can become so involved with that which is not really about me... I'm the same with gossip, I love a juicy story to keep refreshing- silence is the removal of constant new news! 

A 40 day New Years resolution. Day 1

For a number of times in 2015 I tried to go 40 days without the internet and both times I failed!

For the start of 2016 I am trying again. What it means is no internet browsers and no internet apps ( except: email, weather app, blog app and banking app) 

Why? 

Over my sabbatical I become aware of silence. Something I have not been too used to over my life, I found the silence hard, at times deafening and most acutely painful. But also it was very fruitful. 

I can't keep going on retreat, but I can think about what I reducing my ability to hear God and myself. The internet is something noisy in my life, my 3rd attempt at 40days is a renews attempt to find some silence.